The World According to "Aaarrgh!"

The ex and I had a civil conversation about our current partners.  Regarding her boyfriend, she commented that he is more of a man than I am in every way.  What exactly does that mean?

If you compare fertility, then I win, hands down.  He has three kids, I have seven, so based on procreation, I am twice the man of he.  That’s not it.

If a measure of manliness is the ability to attract a sweet young thing, then I win again.  The ex is 6 years younger than her man, while my girlfriend is 11 years younger than I am, and I’ve been with a woman who is 22, which is an astounding 21 year age gap.  I think I win the Hugh Hefner medal, then.  That’s not it.

Does she mean size?  Well, that can’t be helped; it’s all genetics.  I’ve known some short guys that you just didn’t want to mess with; they were as vicious as the proverbial junkyard dog.  And if by size you think of Smiling Bob, well, one can be too big.  That’s just not right to say that one man is more of a man than another because of genetics.

She did mention something about how he was a better athlete.  Does being a good athlete make you more of a man?  That means that any man with any kind of physical handicap is not a man.  The funny thing is that athleticism is a fleeting thing.  I was an engineer when I was 25 and I will still be an engineer when I am 65.  How many 65 year old pro basketball players do you see?  What a shallow way to judge manliness.

She has always thought that I wasn’t a “real” man because I am not an athlete, I am not a tradesman, and I don’t do hard physical labor if I don’t have to.  If I have the money to pay someone else to do the grunt work for me, why do it myself?  Just to prove that I am a man?

To me, manliness has nothing to do with hard labor, athleticism, physique, and all that macho crud.  After all, Rock Hudson was considered to be the epitome of the manly man.  To me, a real man is willing to take a stand, has courage and fortitude, is cultured and refined, is respectful and helpful, and knows how to treat a lady.  To me, a man is not someone who gives in to every whim and desire of his woman because “he loves her”; that is a whipped wimp.  A man is willing to sacrifice himself, is willing to make hard decisions, is willing to tell his companion and children “no” when appropriate.  A real man doesn’t always have to have his way.  A real man isn’t a bully.  A real man doesn’t resort to threats.  A real man doesn’t call other men names.  A real man knows how to disagree with another real man and still be friends.  A real man understands compassion.  A real man understands that his companion is just that, a companion, and not a slave.  A real man understands that sometimes, the best action is no action, and that silence is golden.  A real man understands the balance between himself and his family.  A real man appreciates talent in others.  A real man is there at 2 in the morning changing a tire so his companion doesn’t have to.  A real man is willing to restrain himself and those he cares about.

The ex can have her athlete/laborer/ manly man.  She never appreciated what she had because of her superficial view of what a man is supposed to be.  Her loss is the girlfriend’s gain.