(A SONG)
You were never there for me
I was always there for you
It’s over!
I’m tired of you!
You’ve fallen apart
Now you see
You’ve always needed me
You say I’m so dull
You flirt with others
I feel sorry for you
You have too many lovers
I’m tired of you
‘Cause you never there
You never came
You weren’t there
You weren’t there
Ever!
I’m tired of you!
(Lyrics by X. M. Schrader. Copyright 2009. Used by permission)
What is “justice”? Does anyone really know? People say they fight for justice but then again other people do to, then justice really doesnt matter in war. The president could start a war and say they fight for justice, and again that word appears. In the medeival times they could we will fight for justice and justice and justice only, and there it is again. Do people really want justice? Im sure some do, but some… is it because they want there opponent to die? Is it because they just want to be right or win an arguement, or is it for victory over the nations? People may start out fighting for “justice”, but later it turns into something completely different…. and yet the word doesnt repeat, after a while people never ask there selves again… “what is justice?” Because they dont care…..
(POSTED BY NUMBER 4)
As some people might know, im the middle child, i’m stuck in the middle of 3 brothers and 3 sisters. They all have there little things that annoy me and big things that annoy me, even my baby brother. We’ll start with youngest. No 7 only annoys me by throwing things off counters or touching the keyboard and mouse, or the best one, opening drawers and pulling out everything thats in them, because i have to keep our house clean and my brothers aren’t helping. I’ll explain my other 2 brothers at the same time since they’re pretty the same to me, no 6 and no 5. Well, this is what i get from them, lets say i just cleaned a room that they play in frequently, I could leave for five minutes and come back to see how good i did because it looks cool to see a clean room in this house, okay when i come back, they already have there cars,blocks,legos, everything out, its very irritating. No 3 just downright annoys me, shes pretty much been my rival since i was little, for some reason when im in public i just cant stand to be around her, so i keep my distance. Well and we’re pretty much jelous of each other on some things. Like i can swim, she cant, she can babysit pretty good i guess, i cant, stuff like that. No 2, oh we have the love hate relationship, she can get me mad so easy, but yet we can get along so easy to. We could be arguing about who knows what then five minutes later we’re watching a tv show we like. Ahh no 1, you and me usually get along really we actually, but she has her ways of teamwork and ganging up but most of the time we get along.
(POSTED BY NUMBER 4)
Whos there?; asked Aloth scared out of his wits. Boom! The ground shook for there was something very large here. Aloth backed up and then tripped, he got to his feet and pulled out his sword he raised it high. Dragon! I know your there! I will slay you! he saw a burst of fire close by and moving up and around, then he saw that there was lanterns here and the dragon was lighting them. When it was done he looked dead ahead of him, there stood the great dragon Coliy with Atith lying on the ground beside it.
Aloth charged foolishly and got thrown against the wall with Coliy’s tail. The dragon began to aproach Aloth, it began to suck in air and then Aloth understood was coming he rolled to the side just avoiding the fire that Coliy just unleashed, it melted the rocks and made a hole through the side of the cave. Aloth rose to his feet and slashed at the dragon, he made no more than a scratch on the dragons tail, but it was enough to get it mad. Coliy began to get wide eyed and then started flying low around the cave. It charged at Aloth, flying just above him, he caught him with his claws and comepletely took off his platebody and melted it with a heat blast. Aloth had dropped his sword after that attack. He looked everywhere, then he took a glance at Coliy,the sword was in the dragon’s mouth. The sword was pointing straight forward. Coliy started flying towards him he dodged it when it attacked, he kept doding and rolling outta the way until finally, he rose to his feet and he felt a pain in his chest. He looked down, there was the sword, going straight through him, this dragon was very smart, Coliy let out a burst of fire onto the sword, it burned like hell. Ahhhhhhhhgh!! The dragon released the sword from his chest. Aloth collapsed on the ground, the dragon dropped the sword onto his body, he was surely dead.
The dragon began to walk over towards the area where Atith lay, but then he saw Aloths sword going through its wing, but Aloth was dead. Coliy looked over to Atith, but Atith wasnt there. The dragon swooped around, and there he was with Aloths burning sword in his hands, Coliys wing was on fire. So, now i get to kill you; said Coliy. Dont bet on it witch! Then he charged her she tried to fire hime down but he dodged it and and cut off her tip of the tail. She was burning in agony, she threw him against a wall. she raised he claws and tried to rip his head off, but he ducked and stabbed her in the chest this time. Then he grabbed a lanter spilled the oil on it and the sword caught on fire he then stabbed her in the exact same place and she quickly caught on fire. She was screaming and she flew away off the cliff but as soon as she got air she fell burning and falling. He had slayed the dragon as the prophecy was told. You have fought well Aloth; he said. Atith stabbed himself in the heart he died momentarily after.
Eventually everyone figured out what had happend, they learned that they had underestimated Atiths skills and wisdom and how good a freind Aloth really was when someones live was at stake. He thought he was the dragon slayer but as the fight progressed he learned to accept that Atith was and he decided to fight for him even to the death, and the king and his sisters lived there lives a lot longer after those men saved everyone, but it was sad living like that, no one forgot them. The king and the witch/dragon never did look at the prophecy very well to see that there was two men fighting the dragon, so this is the first story of ”The Dragon Slayers”.
-The End-
The king never would’ve thought Atith was next in line to slay a dragon, wait, he read on. Usually the dragon forms into a human, but theres always something strange about them, they come and take the slayer and kills them before they have a chance to train enough. Atith would get killed by the witch because the witch is the dragon! He had to get Atith back, he called a soldier to get Aloth at once. You called sir; Aloth said in a frightened voice. Yes Aloth, Atith has been taken by a dragon that took the form of a witch, hes next in line to be the dragon slayer. What!!? But sir i’ve been training my hardest and…Aloth! Yes sir? As i was saying, the dragon named Coliy will kill him before he can train enough to even scratch her, now i want you and a few soldiers to find Atith at once! Yes sir!
So Atith did as his majesty commanded and went with a few soldiers out to the mountain top of dragons, when they reached half way they saw a cave. Her lie the dragon; a soldier said. Yes; replied Aloth, and i will slay it. But the your majesty said- is he here soldier!!? I will slay this dragon, not Atith.
Meanwhile at the palace, the kings two daughters were arguing. You never get what you want because you never listen! yelled princess Calli. No i wouldnt you get what you want because you always act like things never happen and fake liking fathers belongings! yelled the other, Kilili. But atleast what you call fake works and gets more of fathers trust. Kilili sighed and went off to her bedroom, with, of course, soldiers around her.
So Aloth enters the cave while the others stayed back outside. Ive been expecting you knight; someone said from a distance.
This i what i could put my family as if we were in medeival times… no 1 would be that crazy old witch who try to trick you but is really a dragon, no 2 would be the rebellious princess who wants to get out more, no 3 would be… we’ll get back to her, i would be a knight who called thought i was strong but people thought i wasnt that good, no 6 would be a the weak looking guy that turns out to slay the dragon, no 5 would be the leader of guards to the princess’s and king, no 3 would be the princess’s sister but was a daddy’s girl, and aaarrgh, i dont know about it but you would indeed be the king, and no 7 is to young to say yet. And here is the story: Father! I wish to go outside the palace! said the princess. Never! he said angrily. Theres bad influences out there and muggers! But father! Its already decided your not going! now go to your room. She left to the room with a couple guards by her, her father was on his throne just watching her until one of the guards yelled. Your magesty; yelled a guard. Yes? speak knight;he said in an annoyed voice. The knight calmly as he could said; you have an unwelcome guest sir…. its…. its the witch!
The wicked old witch stepped in and started to walk down the red carpeted ile towards the king. So its you; he said calmly. Yesss; she said in a tongue as slick as a snake, i have come to…. negotiate. What kind of negotiantion witch? I have nothing much to ask of thee YOUR MAJESTY, i just need a knight, no important knight, i ask thee for atith. huh? Atith? That boy is our most pathetic in this whole palace. But if you really want the boy, it’ll cost thee a bit of money, ill need 100 gold pounds, not much. She moved her walking staff and cast a spell and a heap of gold appeared at the kings feet. She got hold of Atith momentarily after that and took him and instantly left. The king noticed a scrool she dropped, he picked it up, it was a prophecy…. he read a little then saw the part that struck him, Atith would kill the dragon!
(POSTED BY NUMBER 4)
Recently, number 2 used up all the minutes we had for at&t, so she tricked aaarrgh into taking the password off texting so she could tell her freinds stuff since she couldn’t call, so…. he trusted her for a split second and told number 1 to take off the password. She went to a movie later that day and started texting people during the movie, then… she was with her freind driving to her freinds house, and, of course no 2 is texting, but heres the good part but really sad… her freind had to text her to talk to her! And, like i said they were in the same car! So when she gets home aaarrgh take the phone, puts the password back on texting and puts a new password on calling and then he finds out when he looks at the inbox of the phone, that she sent almost 300 messages in 9 hours of being with her freind! Shes not using that phone in a while and it serves her right.
(POSTED BY NUMBER 4)
I will post about my point of view in this to even though its aaarrghs site, i will tell my thoughts and beleifs because i think i have some stuff to get off my chest as well as a lot of people including aaarrgh, this site will help me calm down a little just to tell about what i feel and not keep it jammed in my head for a while, i will most likely write about number 1,2, and 3 a lot to. There will be the occasional aaarrgh to and even mistress if its a rare deal. I love comment i dont car what they are its just i like to engage in conversations, arguements, and debates. I will probably blog a lot if aaarrgh doesnt change the password “again”. It all depends on how obssesive number 2 gets with this since she knows it.
I have been in a huge funk this year. V has noticed it. My kids have noticed it. My bosses have noticed it. My family has noticed it. I have been very angry, very moody, and yes, sometimes downright mean and nasty.
I have known I have been in a funk. I know part of it was the big albatross around my neck, but I am now divorced, and still in a funk, so that wasn’t the only reason. I have been posting like mad the past few months venting about this, that, and the other, spewing “venom”, so to speak, trying to elicit some kind of response, any kind of response. I have been seeking as much help and advice as I could get. I knew there was something wrong, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until today….
I have only known V. for 11 months, but in our countless hours of conversations, rantings, and ramblings, she has come to know me better than anyone else. Better than my parents. Better than my siblings. Better than the ex. Better than my kids. This morning, from her hospital bed, she came up with an explanation that I think is dead on. A double standard.
What she said is this – that in my worldview, I feel that I am being held to a higher standard than everyone else, that more is expected of me than others, and it makes me angry. And she is oh so right. Dating back to my childhood.
When I was in elementary school, it was expected that I would get straight A’s. By everybody. Family, teachers, other students. Not only was I supposed to be the best academically, I was supposed to be the best morally, too. I was relentlessly picked on as a kid. I would constantly complain about being bullied, but I was universally told to get over myself, that “boys will be boys’ and just to accept it. The time that I had finally had enough and fought back, I was thoroughly chastised by the principal and told how disappointed she was in me. She expected better. It was okay for other boys to act like delinquents, but not me.
It wasn’t just in school; it was in family as well. My older brother got worse grades in high school than I did, but I felt that where I was concerned, his grades were not allowed. I finished college in 3 1/2 years taking a hard course load and finishing just below a 3.0 GPA. I was only 21 years old when I graduated with my B.S. What acknowledgement did I get? I got an outfit that my brother would wear, pleated wool pants, striped shirt, and a thin tie. Not my style, not my personality. My brother is taller than me, so while pleated wool pants look good on him, they look like clown pants on me.
My older brother began college before I did and graduated after I did. There was much applause at his accomplishment by the family. So here you had me, who finished early without anyone really giving a crap, and my brother, who was a slacker who took the extended plan and received loud adulation. Kind of b.s., don’t you think? I think. But it was expected that I would do that well, and it really wasn’t expected that he would finish, spo while my accomplishment, when viewed objectively, was greater, it really wasn’t, because more was expected of me.
It has been that way my whole friggin’ life. Take my career, for example. While compared to others I have achieved heights most other people never achieve, I am viewed as a total and complete failure. Why? Since I have more talent, more is expected of me.
A lot of the issues that I have commented on in the column and the blog are written from the view of this prism. Honestly, I don’t really care who goes out to lunch with who; if a man wants to go to lunch with a female coworker, so be it! What has me angry about it is that when I would do that, I would get pilloried and tsk-ed tsk-ed about it. I would be called an adulterer and every other name in the book for accompanying a female coworker to lunch, while at the same time other people did the exact same thing and not a word was said. Because they expected more of me.
I worked in offices where female employees could dress like street walkers, other male employees could wear shorts and flip-flops, but I had to wear Sunday clothes and I tie. More was expected of me!
When I was married, my wife would go out drinking with other men, and I was supposed to be okay with that. I go out to McDonald’s and talk to a female stockbroker about investments, and I get accused of having an affair. When we were breaking up, my ex could spend hours with another man at a hotel and come home seven hours after her shift ended, and my kids never said a word. I come home five minutes later than expected, and I get the third degree. Yes, I know that I am the “dependable” parent, but give me a friggin’ break!
Now, to my recent comments about keeping snotty opinions about dating to yourself. Many people start dating when they separate. I think it is important to date when you separate to make sure that divorce is really what you want. If you separate and date and feel guilt, then in your heart of hearts you really don’t want to divorce. If you don’t feel guilt, then carry on with the divorce. I’ve known a lot of people who have dated when they were separated but the divorce was not final; one of the neatest couples I know started dating when she was separated but not divorced. It’s pretty common, right? We are okay with it, right? Pretty much, yes. Except for me.
I start dating after my ex declared that it was over and I filed for divorce, I start dating a friend who was my rock through the whole mess, and all I get is a bunch of crap for it. It didn’t matter that my ex was dating, too. She got a free pass, but all I got was criticized. By a lot of very close people. Why should she be able to and not me? I am better than her, I am told. I am to be held to a higher moral standard.
You know what? I can’t do it anymore. I won’t do it anymore. I never asked to be held to a higher standard, and I don’t want to be held to a higher standard. On anything. If other people can do it and it’s okay for them to do it, then it okay for me to do it, too. If other people can take two hour lunch breaks, then by golly, I can too. If other people don’t have to dress up, then I don’t, either. I am tired of being Superman. I am burned out. Other people get to enjoy their lives, and I should be able to enjoy mine, too. I expect to be treated the same as everyone else. I am tired of hearing this “you were taught better” or “good Catholic men don’t do that” nonsense. I am a human with the same human weaknesses as everyone else. Don’t expect more out of me than you do George or Tom or Tracy or Pat.
Tired
Friday, July 24th, 2009I am tired. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, I am still tired. I am exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have full responsibility for eight human beings, and some days it’s a bitch. But yet somehow I manage to slug through it each and every day…..
Posted in Aaarrgh, Comments, My personal soap opera, Number 4 | 1 Comment »