“The Fine Print”, by M.H.
Schrader
So Much Time To Waste
You may or may not know this, but summer
is officially here. The summer solstice
has come and gone, and now the days are getting shorter. Which is a shame, because shorter days means
that I wasted the longest day of the year.
Do you know what you were doing on the
solstice? Some people will take the
opportunity to accomplish those few extra things that they can’t normally
accomplish because they don’t have enough daylight, like play a late round of
golf. I view the solstice from the
opposite end of the spectrum--it provides even more daylight hours for me to
waste.
Of course, wasting time is much more
complicated than it may seem. There are
actually two different types of time wasting:
involuntary and voluntary.
Involuntary time wasting is when someone else wastes your time for you,
like when you have to have a price check at the local market. Not only does it waste your time, it is also
potentially embarrassing, too. I don’t
know about you, but I feel bad for all those behind me in line, because I am
wasting their time, too. And, quite
frankly, I don’t care to have the entire store know my personal business, which
is inevitable with a price check. Even
if the item is at the rack in front of the cashier, the cashier will still get
on the loudspeaker: “price check, on
the oversaturated fatty snack chips, which the surgeon general says will cause
your arteries to clog resulting in expensive surgery that the rest of us are
paying for because this poor slob is too stupid to know what’s good for him,
please!”
I wonder if it is a job requirement of
being a cashier. “Now George, this job
doesn’t pay much, but you do get to embarrass the customers!” Hmmm.
The possibilities are endless.
Want to make sure that teenage boys keep their morals about them? Just embarrass them into celibacy with a
price check on ... well, you know. I
know I would have been embarrassed straight into a monastery!
I will be the first to admit that
involuntary time wasting really annoys the tar out of me. After all, if time is to be wasted, I want
to say how to waste my time. Why should
I waste my time standing in line or waiting for someone (anyone) when I can be
at home on my nice comfy sofa taking a nap?!
The most challenging part about wasting
time is dealing with the guilt. Both
Mrs. Schrader and I wasted the summer solstice. However, as she is still pretty much a novice at frittering away
the day, she allowed herself to be racked with guilt. She lamented about all of the things that she could have
accomplished, but didn’t.
I, however, the time wasting pro that I
am, see things differently. I emphasize
what I have accomplished. Sure, I will
say that I regret not accomplishing more, but I don’t really mean it. (Don’t tell Mrs. Schrader, but I say it to
make her feel better.) For example, on
the solstice, I got out of bed, ate breakfast, showered, got dressed, read the
newspaper, ate lunch, took a nap, ate dinner, and watched some television. Pretty action packed day, actually. Not an unoccupied moment. Why dwell on what I “coulda” done? Sure, I didn’t paint the house, clean the
house, mow the lawn, make anything, or go anywhere. But, why think about what might have been when you can think
about what was?
Getting up and getting dressed may not
seem like a big deal to most folks, but on the weekends it is a major
accomplishment for me. I have been
known to lounge around in my nightclothes on a Saturday until three in the
afternoon. Why? Let’s just say that there are things I
consider to be a tad bit more important than getting dressed. Like sleeping. Watching television.
Reading the newspaper.
Of course, getting ready to greet the day at four in the afternoon has some drawbacks, too. It leaves that much less of the day to fritter away constructively.