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"THE FINE PRINT"

The musings of Michael Schrader

         THE CITY OF TRADITION (INN) & PROGRESS (DRIVE)
(Published in 1994 in the Farmington (MO) Press-Leader. Posted in toto with Preface and Epilogue 16 July 2001)

PREFACE -- One of the most controversial columns I have ever written, and one of my personal favorites. After the publication of this column, the editor wrote a counter-column titled “Schrader Has The Right To Be Wrong” and attached a disclaimer to my column from that moment on. A member of the City Council wrote a letter to the editor reprimanding me and refused to talk to me afterwards. Of course, the response leads me to believe that I hit closer than anyone would have liked.
      The dialogue is based on a real dialogue between myself and an African-American friend of mine at my ten-year high school reunion.

         Recently, I ran into an old friend of mine from the city who I haven't seen in five or so years. He said he had been passing through Farmington, and noticed our city's slogan, "The City of Tradition & Progress," on the water tank.    With amusement in his voice, he asked me to tell him about our traditions and progress.
       "We have a Tradition. The Tradition Inn. We also have a Progress. Progress Drive. Over in the Industrial Park."
       "Then the slogan should be The City of Tradition Inn & Progress Drive. I want to know about traditions and progress."
       "We have a strong tradition of good-ole-boyism. Our City Council is not infected with a single woman. Just like it was a century ago."
       "But women didn't even have the right to vote a century ago."
       "See? We work hard to maintain the same frame of mind we had then. But, you know, it keeps getting harder to maintain the tradition with all them Constitutional Amendments. That blasted Constitution; why don't they just leave it the way it was when they wrote it? Those bleeding heart liberals are ruining it for us all."
       "Are there any other traditions you would like to tell me about?"
       "Well, there's our tradition of cronyism. You see, it doesn't matter how well qualified you are, or how cheap you can do a job. If you want to work in our county, all you have to do is hang with the right crowd. Once you're in, you're in for life! It doesn't matter how incompetent you are, or how much you rip people off, you will always get work. Competitive bids, who needs 'em? Qualifications? Who cares? Isn't cronyism what has made our country great?   I mean, cities like Chicago and St. Louis wouldn't be where they are without cronyism."
       "You mean violent and filled with corrupt politicians?"
       "Minor side effects. Oh, did I mention our tradition of ostracizing outsiders?"
       "No, you failed to mention that."
       "Oh. Well, you see, if you cannot trace your ancestors to one of the founding families of the county, then you are an outsider and have absolutely no right to hold elective office, vote, do business in the county, or even live here. And if you have ever been to St. Louis, you might as well not even stop for a cup of coffee, because we don't want you city slicker types polluting our county with your bleeding heart liberal philosophy."
       "Let me ask you a question. Weren't the founding fathers outsiders? I mean they had to come from somewhere else."
       "Completely irrelevant."
       "Irrelevant? It seems pretty relevant to me. Two hundred years ago outsiders came to your county, set up businesses, voted, and held elected office. Now outsiders are not supposed to exercise these same Constitutional rights? And your city claims to be a 'City of Progress'? I think they have the wrong word. That doesn't sound like progress to me."
       "Well, I think you need to take your trashy liberal ideas about Constitutional rights and get out of town! Preach about the Constitution and rights and laws back where you belong, in the city! We don't need your stinking laws and Constitution and other such garbage messing up our way of life!"
       After my friend left, I thought about what he said. Maybe our slogan should read, "The City of Tradition Inn & Progress Drive."

EPILOGUE -- There has been some progress over the past seven years, as Farmington has become more ethnically diverse. However, it is still, by and large, a very closed community. Recently, when approaching several attorneys in Farmington about expert witness work, the first question I was asked was, “Who are you related to in Farmington?” When it was discovered that I do have Farmington connections, pleasantries were exchanged. Unfortunately, I think it is safe to assume that if I had not had Farmington connections, pleasantries would not have been exchanged. The more things change, the more they stay the same.