“Mr.
President, the U.N. resolutions are ready.”
“Good,
Ari. Let’s go through them. I want those UN peaceniks to know that evil
is bad, regime change is good.”
“Point
one. Regime change is necessary because
the current regime is not the legitimately elected government, but instead
gained power through deceit and fraud.”
“Too
many words!! Let’s take this one step at a time. What does having a mamma and a papa have anything to do with elections?”
“I’m
sorry, let me simplify. A legitimate
government is one that is supposed to be there.”
“So
let’s say that you are invited to dinner at the Presidential palace. Since you are supposed to be there, then you
are the legitimatable govern…in charge, right?”
“Not
exactly, Mr. President. There is more
to it than that. Let’s say that the
invitation you have was meant for someone else. Then you were only there through deceit and fraud, because you
weren’t supposed to be there, someone else was.”
“Deceit
and fraud? I do not know what those
words mean…translate….”
“Deceit
and fraud are cheating, Mr. President.
Trickery. Like when we hold
elections and all votes go to the party, no matter how people actually voted.”
<Chuckling>
“That’s a bad thing? We are the only
party who are the true patriotics, who know what is best for the
citizenians. The other parties? Mindless rabble. Kill them all!”
“We
are, your grace. It’s amazing how
simple it is to sabotage an airplane and make it look like a tragic
accident. Boo hoo!”
“Plane
crashes are good, but they are not enough.
We need to blow up a building or something. That will shut the opposition up!”
“Speaking
of blowing things up, it’s time to move onto point two, Your Excellency. Point two – we need the authority for regime
change because the Evil One possesses the capability of manufacturing weapons
of mass destruction.”
“What
kind of an evil person would want to blow up Catholic churches? I mean our friends may not control them, but
that Pop…”
“Pope,
sir….”
“Pop,
Pope – whatever. He’s over there in
Berlin. . .”
“Rome…wait
a minute, how did we get on this, anyway?”
“You
said weapons of Mass destruction, and the Catholics have Mass…”
“No,
not Mass, capital M, but mass, small m.”
“There
are two English words, ‘mass’?
“Yes!”
“What
does the other one mean?”
“Many. Weapons of mass destruction kill many
people.”
“Like
nucular bombs?”
“That’s
nuclear, and yes. Also chemical and
biological weapons.”
“How
do we know that the Evil One might make these weapons?”
“Let’s
start with nucular, I mean, nuclear. If
they have a nuclear power plant, then they have nuclear weapons.”
“Aren’t
nuclear power plants good things?”
“Absolutely. They provide electricity. But they need to be destroyed, because
someone might take the plutonium and make nuclear bombs.”
“So
a good thing is evil.”
“Absolutely. Same thing with chemical plants. Most chemicals help people, but there are a
few doozies out there, so we must destroy all their chemical plants to make
sure those doozies are never manufactured.
If people die because that can’t get the good chemicals, well, that is
just a small price to pay for preserving freedom and righteousness.”
“What
about the biotological weapons? What are they?”
“The
biotological, I mean, biological? Well,
those are bad germs that kill people.”
“I
thought we got rid of those bad Germans that kill people during that big war
thing.”
“That
was World War II, and biological weapons are germs, not Germans. <Sees blank look on the President’s
face.> You know, germs? That bad stuff you get in a boo-boo if you
don’t wash it?”
“Oh…What
about these germs? Don’t we all have
them?”
“Sure
we do. The key is for what purpose we
have them. You will hear the infidels
claim that they are conducting medical research on the bad germs in order to
find a cure for them.”
“That’s
sounds like a good thing.”
“Except
we know the truth. The so-called
doctors at so-called hospitals are none other than evil scientists working at
disguised weapons plotting ways to use these germs to kill us.”
“Ohh! That’s bad!”
“It
sure is!”
“What
are we gonna do about it?”
“Bomb
their hospitals, I mean biological weapons facilities in disguise, of course!”
“Won’t
that hurt sick people?”
“Sure,
but who cares. They are all the same,
so who cares who we kill, as long as we kill as many of them as possible.”
“That’s
a pretty strong case, my friend. Surely
the UN will support regime change.”
“That’s
only the half of it, Mr. President.
Let’s not forget about the civil rights violations.”
“Civil
what?”
“Civil
rights. Oh, if only you hadn’t been out
celebrating so much when you were in school.
Let me explain this simply – civil rights are how the government treats
its people. The Evil ones have a long
history of mistreating their minorities – beatings, murders.”
“But
haven’t we done the same thing with our minorities? Sure, but that’s different.
We are the true believers. The
Big Guy said that we should root out the non-believers. And besides, once minorities actually
believe that they are our equals they will take over, and where will we
be? We would have to work!!! Uggghhh!”
“Not
only do they mistreat their minorities, but they also arrest people without
ever telling them why, and throw them in a dingy jail where they are under
constant watch and not permitted to contact the outside world.”
“How
horrible. Surely, that itself is enough
to convince the UN that we must act now!”
“Let’s
not forget the little invasion a few years back.”
“What
invasion. I must have missed that
class…I was sick, that’s it.”
“You
see, Mr. President, many years ago the infidels invaded the country on their
southern boundary.”
“Why? You know, countries shouldn’t be just taking
over other countries. Very bad.”
“Very
bad indeed. You see, this other country
had valuable mineral resources, and the infidels wanted them. They claimed it was their manifest
destiny…in simpler terms, that they were supposed to own the land … and they
took it.”
“What
did the other country do?”
“They
fought the best they could, but in the end they were overwhelmed by superior
forces.”
“That’s
terrible! We shouldn’t stand for that!”
“We
won’t. We must punish these renegades
and put in a government more to our liking that will respect its people and the
boundaries of its neighbors.”
“Absolutetively! Excellent work, my friend and trusted
advisor, Ari Hazzeem. Do you think the
United Nations will go for regime change in the United States?”
“We
can only hope, President Hussein.”